College football season is upon us, which means it's time to dust off your team gear and start planning your tailgate pregame. But let's be real, you're not just there for the game. You're there to party, get drunk, and forget about your academic struggles for a few hours. And in order to do that, you need the right supplies. So, without further ado, here are the five must-haves for a college football tailgate pregame.
Booze – And Lots of It
Let's start with the obvious. You can't have a tailgate pregame without alcohol. It's what makes the world go round, after all. But not just any alcohol will do. You need the good stuff – beer, liquor, and plenty of it. And we're not talking about a six-pack of Coors Light. No, we're talking about a cooler full of ice-cold beer, a handle of vodka, and some Jägermeister for good measure. And if you really want to impress your friends, throw in some fancy craft beers that no one has ever heard of. The key here is to get as drunk as possible before the game even starts. That way, you won't remember your team losing and you can blame your hangover on the game rather than your terrible life choices.
Grilling Equipment – To Cook the Pain Away
All that booze is going to make you hungry. And let's be honest, the hot dogs and hamburgers they sell inside the stadium are overpriced and undercooked. So, you'll need to bring your own grilling equipment. Don't worry if you don't know how to grill – you're probably too drunk to care anyway. Just throw some burgers and hot dogs on the grill and cook them until they're black and crispy. The charcoal will add some flavor, and the carcinogens will make you forget about your student loan debt. Plus, it's a great way to impress the ladies with your "manly" grilling skills. Just don't burn down the tailgate area – that would be a real buzzkill.
Drugs – Because Why Not?
Alcohol and grilling are great, but what if you want to take your pregame to the next level? That's where drugs come in. Marijuana, mushrooms, and other mind-altering substances can really enhance your tailgate experience. They'll make the game more exciting, the food more delicious, and the people more interesting. Just make sure you don't get caught by the cops – that's a surefire way to ruin your day. And if you're feeling really daring, try some cocaine. It'll make you feel like a champion, even if your team loses. Plus, you'll have plenty of energy to party all night long.
Games – To Keep the Fun Going
All that drinking, grilling, and drug-taking can get a bit boring after a while. That's where games come in. Beer pong, flip cup, cornhole – these are all classic tailgate games that can keep the party going. And if you're feeling competitive, you can even start a pick-up football game. Just make sure you don't injure yourself or anyone else – that would put a damper on the festivities. And if you're not feeling athletic, you can always start a fight with the opposing team's fans. It'll make for some great Instagram content and maybe even go viral. Just don't get arrested – that's a real mood-killer.
5. Low standards – the most important part of any college football tailgate pregame. Let's face it, you're not going to find your soulmate at a tailgate. You're not even going to find someone you'd consider dating sober. But that's okay. The beauty of a tailgate pregame is that you can lower your standards as much as you want. You can make out with that guy who's wearing a rival team's jersey. You can flirt with that girl who's missing a few teeth. You can even hook up with your cousin – hey, it's college, anything goes.
And if you're really desperate, there are always the "professional tailgaters" who show up every week with their RVs, their grills, and their questionable hygiene. They're usually older, divorced, and looking for a good time. And by "good time," we mean they're willing to do things that no sane person would ever do. But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.
In conclusion, a college football tailgate pregame is all about excess – excess booze, excess food, excess drugs, excess games, and yes, even excess desperation. So, go out there, get drunk, do some drugs, grill some questionable meat, and make out with whoever's willing. Because in college, anything goes. Just don't forget to stumble into the stadium in time for kickoff – you don't want to miss your team getting crushed by their rivals.
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