In the vast and soul crushing world of sales nestled among legitimate business ventures, lies the cancer known as the Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) schemes. With a promise of financial independent, quick cash, and being your own boss these seem almost too good to be true right? Well that's kind of the whole point. Come with us to break down some of interesting types of people you may see in world of multi-level marketing.
The "Hey Girl" Hustlers:
Picture this, you're casually mind numbingly scrolling through your 3rd hour on TikTok when out of the blue, you receive a DM from that girl you haven't spoken to since the days you popped your first boner in class, or for the ladies the days of stuffing those already padded training bras. She's not interested in catching up, she's on a mission to sell you a mortgages worth of fitness teas and herbal supplements. Brace yourselves for the painfully transparent "hey girl" pitch that disguises itself as a friendly DM. It's a virtual reunion filled with overpriced products and enough secondhand embarrassment to last a lifetime.
The MLM Millionaires:
Hold onto your hats, folks, because we're about to meet a whole new breed of MLM enthusiasts the MLM Millionaires. These self-proclaimed gurus have supposedly cracked the code to unimaginable success. They'll depict tales of working just 15 hours a week from the comfort of your phone while rolling in more cash than Makenzie Scott after she divorced Jeff Bezos. Sounds like the dream, right? Get ready for a reality check, because these MLM millionaires know how to balance a checkbook better than George Santos' accountant. Making it big requires recruiting an army of unsuspecting souls, but don't worry as the strong foundation of your own "company" each person you recruit will learn and grow from you as they build and recruit their own core group of team members that they will help build on top of them soon creating the elusive inverted triangle shape that they promise is not the same thing as a pyramid as the profits trickle down for each person you build on your team rather than up to the top.
The Party Planners:
Prepare for an evening of awkward conversations, cheap finger foods, and the aroma of desperation. Enter the realm of MLM Party Planners, the original blueprint for MLM's before the digital age of e-commerce, where your living room turns into a sales floor. Imagine attending a get-together with friends, only to find yourself caught in an infomercial from hell. Watch as your once normal friend morphs into the Wolf of Herbalife, armed with an arsenal of skincare products, essential oils, cutco knives, or who the fuck knows what else.
For all of our friends that have fallen victim to these scams we don't blame you for it, but what we do blame you for is trying to suck us in with you. Cheers 🍻
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